Dwarves!


Base Class - Berserker
Dwarves are stout, strong, stubborn, stupid, and stricken.
Stricken with everything. Disease, madness, curses.
Major Deity - Cavilon
Cavilon is the deity of earth, stone, and ores; all things dwarf.
Worship
Teeth replaced by following materials according to years, every tenth year
10 to 50 - Stone
60 to 100 - Iron
110 to 150 - Gold
160 to 200 - Emerald
210 to ??? - Diamond
An entire set of Diamond teeth denotes the highest of honors.
Teeth may be replaced with an exceptional service.
Teeth may also be pulled for law-breaking or dishonorable acts.
Mass must be held every week to Cavilon.
All parts of this sentence are subject to change.
Masses held with important figures in the audience must be held by a certified and trusted follower.
Others that are more casual can be held by a volunteer.
These end badly.
Minor Deity - Netharna
Netharna is the heart of the mountain and spirit of the forge; what the dwarf aspires to be.
Once a month, all dwarves must make a pilgrimage to the isle of Netharna, then into the nether, to bathe in soul sands at Her temple.
Many say this is why soul sand has formed to look like the souls of the damned are screaming.
Offerings will be made.
This offering is usually something very valuable to the individual dwarf.
Most of this ends up being ores, jewels, weapons and armor. Netharna does not usually like these, but the act of a worshipper sacrificing something they value highly for her sake is often well favored.
Netharna to a dwarven smith is seen in the same light as Cavilon, if not higher. As such, Smiths often make grand offerings in the hope their forge will burn brightest this month.
Stunning Lack of Agility
Dwarves cannot kneel, for they have no knees.
There is only standing, and prone. Prone is just standing horizontally.
Dwarves do not stretch, for it is an sissy elf practice. Unless it is for catapulting.
No, this is not called jumping. Jumping is a sissy elf practice, and a class IV dishonorable act.
Some have found, that with enough force, a dwarf can in fact bend over. This may have been the single most triumphant moment in time for dwarves; shortly after the dwarf catapulted into the air and was never seen again.
The massive amount of tension built up in a dwarf’s muscles and tendons has the capability to launch said dwarf dozens of meters, vertically and horizontally.
No longer did dwarves need to waddle up stairs, or roll up onto small ledges.
Dwarves cannot swim.
The composition of a Dwarf is so dense that they sink in even the most buoyant of liquids.
There are rumors of dwarves sinking into solid stone. Most fall into a cavern below, but there is the rare case of finding a dwarf body completely encased in stone.
This is frequently used by dwarf parents to scare dwarf children into bed.
Fey Moods
At any point in time, for any reason a dwarf will enter what is called a fey mood.
A fey mood is something akin to being possessed by insanity.
Obsession is at the core of a fey mood. Find something and become a part of that thing. Make it better, the best; alternatively, make it god-awful.
There must and always will be a reason for a fey mood.
This can be literally anything you want.
A fey mood should cause some trouble. Little trouble, big trouble, it matters not as long as it is troublesome.
Examples
Take the cobblestone storage and turn it all into ovens. All of it.
Find the nearest sock, name it, carry it with you. Force other people to acknowledge it as a real living thing. Ensure it lives a long and fulfilling life before passing away. Hold a funeral, and leave its picture above the fireplace. Never love another sock again.
Snort gunpowder and lit candles, in that order.
Many dwarves do not remember what happened when their mood took over.
Matriarchal
Marriage does not exist. Polygamy does.
Many dwarfs simply do not have the patience to live with someone else. Thusly, when the woman wishes to have a child, she has several options.
Choose a dwarf, and if he accepts, they mate until a child is born.
Petition notable dwarves, and carry their child.
Hold a tournament.
Men hold the right to leave after a child is born.
They must pay a notable sum in the form of child support if they wish to leave.
They must also leave behind an heirloom for the child. It must be distinctly his.
Children carry on the woman’s name.
The ultimate form of punishment is to be disowned by the mother. The child loses the name, and is forced to take on a lattername created by the community.
These are particularly nasty, such as Lumpybiscuits, Loopyclams, or xXx69Fuzzybutt69xXx.
Cursed
No dwarf has ever died peacefully. For all of recorded time, dwarves have died horribly, always in some manner that they would much rather be dead than face that humiliation.
This has been proven unavoidable.
The most notable attempts to die peacefully was made by dwarven monk by the name of Gautfrid Ironpommel, who built a vault out of pure iron. When he reached the ripe age of 274, and felt he was ready for the afterlife, he put himself inside and had the door sealed tight. The vault was opened decades later, and he was found suffocated on the seat of his own pants.
Examples
King Urist CXVIII died in an outhouse explosion. The feast that night had been on fermented cave snake eggs, giant stoneclams seasoned with volcanic sulfur, and absolutely no fiber whatsoever, causing the gasses excreted to be indistinguishable from modern day jet fuel.


I'd like to say that this is my first 'informative' post. Any hints, tips, or suggestions are welcome. I did try to make it lighthearted.